Are you listening?

he truth is that, most of the time, when we talk to someone we are not expecting a simple dialogue or a circumstantial exchange of words. We expect some kind of acknowledgement, validation and, if possible, the building of something new. How often do we feel that we are not listened to in our teams, families or relationships? How often do people talk over each other in meetings? How many wars and conflicts could be avoided if we genuinely listened to each other? How many things have we left unlearned because we weren't paying genuine attention? We all recognise the value of being listened to, but are we capable of listening? Ernest Hemingway in his book "On the Other Shore, Among the Trees" wrote: "When people talk, genuinely listen to what they have to say. Most people never do".

Throughout the millennia, the act of listening has been an important tool for recognising others, gathering knowledge and building new things. Before the invention of writing, it was even the most important of tools for receiving relevant information for each individual and the community. It is therefore no wonder that genuine listening, like silence, has been exalted by sages, spiritual leaders, artists and many others. A crucial tool that requires patience and the ability to focus on the present moment. This is why we struggle with it so much. The reality is that we are constantly driven by our restless mind and the needs of our ego:

• We get distracted by our thoughts;
• We make assumptions about the other person or what they are saying;
• We draw in our mind an answer ready to go out;
• We may feel attacked and want to protect ourselves;
• We may be more concerned with coming up with counter-arguments than understanding what is being said;
• We can even try listening simultaneously to another conversation or background music that is playing;

The result is that we end up hearing and understanding half of what is being said.

Listening means finding within ourselves a place of serenity that allows us to keep silence when someone speaks, intervening only at the appropriate moment. A place that allows preconceived judgements not to influence the understanding of what the other person is saying, feeling and experiencing. Listening means giving way to humility and compassion over the ego's need for defence and attack. In this way, by putting ourselves in the other person's shoes, we can consider things from another perspective. When we don't, we divide the world into 'me' against 'you' and 'us' against 'them', stimulating conflict and deepening polarisation. The more polarised we are, the less we listen. In the end, we all have a voice that deserves to be heard.

Just as we can learn to truly listen to others, we can also learn to listen to ourselves. How often do we feel that we don't listen to our real needs? How often do we feel we are not listening to our body? And the voice of our soul? How many internal wars could be avoided if we put aside the prejudices and judgements we have about ourselves? What is curious is that in the same way that our agitated mind does not allow us to listen to others, the same happens when we try to listen to ourselves. This is why patience, humility and compassion are also crucial tools when we want to listen to our inner voice. For this reason the ego needs and distractions of our daily life need to be acknowledged and understood.

When we allow it, our body and soul can speak to us and advise us on what is best for us. We all know that feeling unwell is our body's way of telling us that we have eaten or drunk something that is not good for us; that pain is a sign that something is wrong; that lack of energy is advice to rest more, eat better or be less sedentary. But do we truly listen to our body? Do we act on what it tells us? Already our soul can speak to us through our intuition: when we experience feelings of expansion and lightness, we know that we are on the right path. On the other hand, feelings of contraction and heaviness indicate that a correction in the path may be necessary. Are we listening to the voice of our soul or are we insisting on the usual ways? Within us is a source of health, abundance, knowledge and creativity. That's why when we genuinely listen to our body and soul we make better choices in our life. Choices more in line with who we are. But for the correct interpretation of these signals, we need a calm and focused mind. We need to know how to listen.

It is true that listening is a receptive state, but it is also an active tool. It is an art that requires commitment and discipline. But it is when we learn to listen to others that we come to understand them as fellow travellers in Life. When we learn to listen to ourselves we are able to discover who we are. When we listen to Life we find peace.