Tearing down walls

ome of these walls we can see clearly in front of us, we just don't know how to break them down. Others are invisible to us, and we only realise they are there when they prevent us from going where we want.

I met Sara a few years ago. She was an excellent professional, full of confidence, rational, a woman leader. She had a huge challenge ahead of her - restructuring her organisation - promoting talent and functional capabilities, streamlining and improving processes. Sara had a clear vision of what needed to be done and a detailed plan of how to get there. In fact, she was even already taking important steps in that direction.

But at every step, she was running into a wall she hadn't anticipated: one of her stakeholders wasn't fully on board with the plan and her line manager was testing her ability to manage the transformation without advising her through the process.

She was alone, totally convinced that this was the right direction and assuming she had the trust and support of key stakeholders to move the project forward. She was frustrated that she was not getting any traction and not feeling recognised by her line manager for her huge effort to bring the transformation to fruition.

The reality is that she did not see the wall that was built in front of her. That was the first step to support her - to help her become aware of that wall. We can't knock down walls that we can't see.

There are more walls that are even harder to see and that are not necessarily easier to break down: the walls we build in front of ourselves. Some are related to lack of skills, lack of capacity, lack of will, and there are still those that we build out of FEAR.

Those of us who are coaches often see the wall of fear growing in front of us as we listen, peel, unpeel, and challenge the facts, thoughts, feelings, and concerns shared by the coachee. We can see how fear holds coachees back and holds them hostage to themselves. Therefore, it is necessary to start negotiating with the abductors.

Manuel was one of the top managers of a multinational company, accumulating 25 years of experience in different commercial functions. He was highly educated, very experienced, passionate, full of energy and ambition, always facing life and work with a positive attitude, focusing on finding solutions, building bridges between different functions and nurturing his professional relationships.

However, he was not assertive when communicating, nor when making decisions, because he was afraid of making mistakes that could lead to him losing his job. He felt he was losing credibility and respect. He was lost and afraid. In addition, his boss constantly reinforced this negative cycle: he nagged him daily, called him a weak leader, told him that others always beat him and reinforced that he had to improve or he would be fired.

He felt frustrated and humiliated, but also committed to changing his behaviour and being more assertive with his stakeholders to regain respect. He was struggling and banging his head against the wall in an attempt to overcome his fear. But the fear was making him lose his job.

Most people are afraid of being fired, of being the breadwinner of their families, of marking their career, their reputation and their self-love. But most of all they fear losing the respect of others, their children, their wife or husband, their parents.

Losing your job is one of the most impactful changes in people's lives. So the fear of losing one's job is common and completely legitimate. But we can free ourselves from that fear. In fact, we need to free ourselves from that fear. Or we will be weak, fearful and embarrassed leaders. We need to eliminate fear to give wings to our potential.

The first step is to climb the wall of fear and take a good look at the other side, to imagine ourselves living without fear. What would be different if I wasn't afraid of being fired? How would I feel? How much would I improve as a professional? How much would my life improve? What would it take to free myself from this fear? What is my plan?

This is where the journey of coaching begins, a journey that reveals possibilities and generates conscious choices.

Coaching offers the opportunity to discover what you really want, to face reality, to see the walls in front of you and to expel Fear and welcome Possibility. Coaching provides the environment and methodology to reflect with quality, to safely challenge your own assumptions, to comfortably look at yourself and be confronted with the questions that will lead to the answers you seek. To make conscious choices and act accordingly.